What Not to Say to a Short Person

What Not to Say to a Short Person

By Sr. Hope Therese

Sometimes I wonder on what planet people learned proper etiquette.  For those extra-terrestrials among us, here are some things not to say to someone who is vertically challenged.  Believe it or not, I have gotten all of these comments addressed to me at some point; in most cases more than once.

“Why are you so short?”  I have a genetic condition called Turner Syndrome, but I really don’t want to tell that to someone I just met.  There are many people my size and shorter who have no medical diagnosis whatsoever.  They just are the way they are.  Why do you have blonde hair and blue eyes?  God made you that way just like he made me short.  There is no other reason, so please don’t waste my time and yours by asking this question.   

“How tall are you?”  You can see how tall I am with your own eyes.  Do you really need an exact number?  I am 4’8 and ¾ inches tall.  Don’t forget the ¾ because it’s very important.  By the way, how tall are you?  If you wouldn’t ask someone of average height, then don’t ask a short person. I am not ashamed of my height.  I fact I am quite proud of it.  I will probably even share it with you without you asking - if I get to know you and I feel comfortable.   

“How old are you?”  I thought age fell into the category of things you never ask a lady.  This still applies even if the lady apparently does not look her age.  I am 27 years old.  How old are you?  If you don’t feel comfortable sharing then maybe I don’t either.  Actually this question is appropriate in a getting to know you context with someone I will have an extended relationship with.  If we just met, or if you’re just asking because you think I look young for my age and you’re curious, it is inappropriate.  Believe me, I can tell why you are asking.  

“Will you ever grow anymore?”  No I will not.  I am unaware of any rare condition that allows people to grow when they are already adults.  If it exists I do not have it.  I am okay with that and I hope that you can be too.

“Do you know what you need to do? You need to grow.”  No I do not. I am exactly what God intended me to be according to his purpose.  I am perfect the way God made me and I have no problem with the way I am.  So why would I want to change?

“You look like a baby/little kid.  Did you know that?”  I see myself every day in the mirror.  I know very well what I look like.  I am aware I have childlike qualities, but I am an adult with an adult’s feelings.  Most adults do not like being told that they look like something they are not, even if it is true.  Is height really all you see when you look at me?  It would be very nice if you would try to notice some of my more mature qualities.  I do have them you know.  Please treat me like the adult I am and take me seriously. 

 

“Could you tell us how old you are?  We’re taking bets.”  I must admit that I find this as hilarious as I find it rude.  First of all, my age is none of your business.  The only reason you could possibly have for taking a bet on me without my consent is sheer greed.  I find this situation even more hilarious when nobody wins because no one guesses my age correctly.  Just remember the next time you take bets on me that I want part of the cut.  You know I’m just kidding!

“Your parents must not have given you proper nutrition when you were growing up.”  Excuse me.  I resent the implication that my parents took less than stellar care of me.  We were never what you would call rich in the material sense, but my sister and I never wanted for anything, especially nutritious food.

“Have you ever considered having that operation where they break your legs?”  When I was younger and it was an option I actually did consider it.  The doctors advised my mother and me against it because of repercussions it could have in the future.  At this time I don’t relish the idea of having my legs broken and I am happy and fully functional the way I am.  I did have daily growth hormone injections from the age of seven to the age of fourteen.  That was enough medical treatment for me.

“Did you drink a lot of coffee growing up?”  As a matter of fact I can’t stand the taste of coffee and I never drink it.  I rarely drink any other caffeinated beverage either.  The story that coffee or caffeine stunts your growth is a complete myth.  If you do like it, enjoy it without worrying that you will stunt your growth.  

“Have one of our children’s menus.”  This is an understandable mistake.  Please, waiters and waitresses,  be aware that there are short people out there that are not children.  It is always better to ask than to assume. 

Most of the previous comments I received before entering the convent, but here is my new favorite that I have gotten twice already:

 “Are you old enough to be a sister?”  Please allow me to introduce you to my friend Captain Obvious.  If I was too young to be a sister I would not have been accepted into an Order and I would not be wearing a habit.  To the person who tried to redeem himself by saying he wasn’t sure if I was dressing up.  Just let it go.  Don’t make yourself appear ruder than you already are.

“You can’t do that that heavy task.  Do this lighter task instead.”  Please let me tell you a little about myself.  I grew up on a dairy farm where I lifted heavy feed bags, water buckets, and hay bales.  I have helped pull calves out of mother cows giving birth.  I went to college for three years where I learned about adaptations and proper body mechanics as an occupational therapist assistant student.  I worked as an occupational therapist assistant for six months before I entered the convent and I frequently transported and transferred patients much larger than myself.  I am not weak.  I have never been hurt doing anything most people would consider laborious.  I understand and even appreciate your concern.  Please ask me if you think I can’t do something.  Most likely I will want to at least try to do it.  If I can’t do it I will try again or ask for help if I need it.  I have lived in this body for 27 years and I know what it can do.  Please trust me.  I know it is hard, but try not to judge by appearances. 

   

Sometimes people are joking, curious, ignorant, or just plain mean.  I have had enough experience with all of these to tell the difference.  If you are joking that is wonderful.  I have a good sense of humor and I love it when people joke with me.  I know as well as anybody that it is important to laugh at yourself every once in a while.  I want you feel comfortable with me.  I know that sometimes even well intended jokes can go too far sometimes.  Just remember if I’m not laughing it’s not funny.  If you are curious, that is okay.  It is in human nature to be curious and without curiosity we would never learn anything.  Just don’t sacrifice proper etiquette in order to satisfy your curiosity.  If you are ignorant, try to remember there are people in the world different than you.  Everyone has something that makes them different.  Some differences are more obvious than others.

People come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, but we are all brothers and sisters in Christ and we should treat each other as such.  If you get to know someone who seems different you may find you have more in common with them that you realize.  If you are just plain mean, I pity you because in some ways you are even smaller than I am.  If you try to bring me down in order to make yourself feel better then you must be very unhappy.  I know that the problem lies not with me, but within you and the best thing I can do is to pray for you. 

At this point in my life when someone tries to insult me I feel worse for the person who tried to insult me than I do for myself.  Not everyone has been shown the love that I have in my life.  If I try to remember that, it helps me to stop judging and start loving. 

So the bottom line is to try not to treat someone differently just because they look different.  We are all unique, special, and beautiful in our own way, but in many ways we are all the same.  Let us see the beauty in our differences because the world would be boring if we were all the same.  Let our similarities unite us because Lord intended for us to live in unity